How to Be Happy Single or Married

I agree with when Alfred D. Souza says happiness is “not a destination”. I believe happiness is right where you are — it’s within yourself. It’s always there to be tapped into. Even while you are waiting for something or grieving the loss of someone or having regrets, happiness can be pulled out of the deepest parts of you.

Many people have the perception that happiness has a look. A cheesy smile, jumping up and down, constantly in a great mood. Kind of like what you would see when a person finds out they won the lottery. But those are only momentary expressions of happiness. We love moments like those — happy high moments that other people can see. However, it’s possible to be quiet and happy or be experiencing anger but still happy overall.

It’s a matter of learning how to pull happiness out and uphold it in your life. It’s obviously harder for people with chronic depression or those who have experienced trauma to tap into their happiness. And even people who are typically happy will fall on hard times at some point in their lives. But with help from friends, family, a coach or a therapist, eventually they’ll realize that happiness was always there inside of them. Like a well full with water, just because you don’t have a rope and a bucket, doesn’t mean the water isn’t there. And if the well is too deep you might need help to get the water out, but it’s still there.

Power to Change

You may think it’s impossible to be happy when everyone is getting married around you while you wait. Too many people are searching for happiness in places where it’s not — in a spouse, in another country, or in material things. We all have chased what we thought would make us happy until we reached the point of exhaustion. We find out later how much time we could have saved by just being happy exactly where we were. Happiness starts with you being in tune with your whole being which includes your personality, your values, and your actions.

You may not always be happy with the situation you are in, but you can still be excited about the power that God has give you — all of us — to make change. Sometimes we lower our eyes and sink in our seats when we see the person sitting next to us looking “so happy”. We become oblivious to the fact that they are not exempt from having problems in their own lives. But maybe they have simply found happy within themselves in spite of obstacles. Do not wish to be married like they are, or bold like they are. Do not think that to acquire their lives would be to acquire a better life. They, too, have their share of fears, losses, and disappointments. Instead, question how you will tap into your own power and happiness, despite the cares of your life.

“Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the solution.” -The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Here are some ideas on how to change any uncomfortable situation you find yourself in:

• Change your mindset/perception. Often times we allow people or traditions to plant seeds in us about how things should be, and it affects our feelings or our identity.
• Address the issue. Don’t hold it in. Talk to God and seek His wisdom on how to approach a person in your life that is causing you strife. Sometimes communication can bring closure, refreshment or growth to a relationship that died.
• Walk away. If you can, simply walk away from anything not bringing you peace. The lack of peace is a great indicator that something is needs to change.
• Seek counsel. We shouldn’t have to weather anything by ourselves. Talking to good friends, family, ministers or reading books and blogs allow other people to share their own story and make you feel less alone. When I realized I wasn’t the only one going through a tough situation, I became free of shame.

Happiness does not have a specific destination in life, but it does have a home — it lives in you. However, you cannot know happiness, if you do not know sadness, anger, disappointment, and regret. And you cannot truly know happiness, if you do not know yourself. That’s what the journey of happiness is.

Happiness does not have a specific destination in life, but it does have a home — it lives in you.

Notice I did not say the journey to happiness. Knowing, learning, and re-learning yourself day to day and getting in tune with your emotions, keeps happiness afloat for longer periods of time. This is mainly because when your mind, body, and soul are in-sync, you become whole. Knowing and accepting all parts of yourself while taking responsibility for wrongs, gives you a sense of confidence that no one can take away from you. When you think happiness is outside of you, good luck keeping up.

Happiness and Feelings

Get in touch with yourself and your feelings, do not ignore them. Gillian Mandich, Ted Talk speaker and promoter of living a happy life, said “When we don’t have awareness around [an emotion], how do we know to let go of [it]. Sometimes when we’re feeling a range of emotions simply the act of labeling them, reduces their effect on us. And that’s science. They’ve studied that.” Journaling, talking to trusted people, and spending quality time alone are some of the many ways to process your emotions.

Being able to identify your feelings at any given moment requires a certain level self-awareness that a coach can get you to. As an identity coach, I walk you through the steps that helped me look through my life for unforgiveness, toxic habits, negative self-talk, and shame. I suffered with all of these things without even knowing it. And they can’t be undone all in one day. In A Journey to Wholeness: An Activity Journal for Women, layer after layer is ripped up in 30 days to reveal a shinier you who has values, freedom, and alignment with Jesus Christ.

Happiness While Waiting

Even if you are waiting to get married, or waiting for your spouse to change, or waiting to have a child, or missing a loved one, you are never without yourself — she’s always going to be with you. You have to become content with yourself if you are going to be happy everyday. It’s your responsibility, and not someone else’s. Once you’ve achieve that, everything else will fall perfectly into place.

I will end this post with a piece from the book Making Happy by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott:

When someone asked Eleanor Roosevelt to define happiness, here’s what he said: “A feeling that you have been honest with yourself and those around you; a feeling that you have done the best you could both in your personal life and in your work; and the ability to love others.” Mrs. Roosevelt obviously understood happiness to be an inside job.

I would love to hear your opinion. Where do you think happiness is? Do you believe it is in within you and always available? Or do you think it is something that needs to be created or sought after?

Spread Happiness: Share this post on your favorite social media site.