When I was younger (like in my early twenties. I’m 30, now. I know, it wasn’t that long ago). I thought it was cute when couples would sit close to each other at a party and laugh and snicker about what was going on around them — don’t ask me why.
Now as a newly married woman, I have my own gossip buddy, my husband, to clown around with. The one I can stick close to and talk about everything with, right? I mean, this was now the closest adult relationship I had ever had with anyone… we’s married! And there’s an intimacy that marriage brings that makes you want to share it all.
What is Gossiping?
Something didn’t feel right. Why was I hesitant? Why couldn’t I just spew my heart out to my husband whenever I needed to?
I posed the question to God: Is it O.K. to vent to my husband? I wanted to talk to him about everything, such as how I felt about other people, comments on things I observed, and everything else that popped in mind. The same day I asked God that question, I wanted to complain to my husband about how much my manager was getting on my nerves. And I felt the need to tell him how no one else liked her, either. But I paused, in spite of the temptation to vent, to listen to what was going on inside of me. It was breaktime at my job, the time I usually call to check in with my hubby. I fought the urge to call him because the Holy Spirit was working on me.
I didn’t get my answer from God right away, but I knew that I would find out really soon. In the meanwhile, I held my tongue from talking “out of hand” until He revealed to me what was on His heart about the subject of venting.
On another occasion, a situation came up regarding a loved one who my husband and I thought had a slight drinking problem and we also didn’t like the way he treated us while he was in town. After expressing concern, we ended our conversation by praying for that person. That felt good to resolve the issue in our hearts that way; it helped us to not only protect him but not our feelings from spiraling out of control.
That day changed my outlook on what our conversations as husband and wife should look like. In Colossians 4:6, the Bible says “let your speech always be with Grace, seasoned with salt.” That goes with everyone, including your spouse.
Why Is Gossiping Not O.K.?
There is nothing wrong with expressing or seeking therapy. But everything is not expression, and it’s just straight up gossip to please your flesh. Sometimes we need to filter our thoughts through a Godly mind before we run to someone else to talk to.
When you gossip about other people and their faults, it binds you to a mindset that you are the victim. Gossiping makes you forget that you, too, are human and are susceptible to making mistakes. Involving my husband in gossip, puts him in a position where life has to humble him to remind him that he has faults too (and trust me getting humbled, versus staying humble, is NEVER fun).
Gossiping is very easy to get into (like any other sin). You might ask: is gossiping really a sin though? I found this great article that will help you identify what gossip is.
I always find myself in situations where it’s easy to engage in gossip. Don’t we all? Sometimes I’m able avoid it, other times I catch myself in the middle of it and having to re-route. Opportunities to gossip comes up in regular day to day living. But imagine living with your best friend! That’s who your husband is. It takes a lot of self-restraint to not let your mouth and opinions get ahead of you.
These practical tips and tricks have helped me to circumvent the sneaky, “little” sin of talking about other people.
Try to state facts and avoid assumptions
It’s been said that we judge people by what they outwardly do, but we ourselves want to be judged by our intentions (as if we expect people to read our minds). Let’s look at the bigger picture here: The way that someone is or their behavior in a moment, most likely stems from a place of brokenness or something else we cannot see. In that case, what if you prayed for them instead? Your prayer over their life, MATTERS. It could literally mean life or death for that person. No matter how much they have hurt you or themselves, if you are a child of God you know God can change things in their lives, because He did it for you. Don’t worry about what you see with your natural eyes; pray about the facts to make a difference in their lives.
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you.”
Matthew 5:44
Express how they make you feel without touching irrelevant facts
For example, the way someone dresses is not grounds to talk bad about them because it’s not something that threatens your well-being in any way and therefore does not need to be mentioned, most of the time. Beware of going down a path of maliciousness for no good reason other than to satisfy your enjoyment of tearing other people down and making yourself look good.
“Do not go about spreading slander among your people.”
Leviticus 19:16
Instead of gossiping, find a solution and talk it through with God
My husband will never be my gossip buddy because we rather be a Power Couple for the Force of Good, than a Power Couple for the Force of Evil. When we pray together or when my husband stops me to defend the person I am talking about (which he does often), it is then that we are strong. But we are weak and foolish when we operate in pride together. Gossiping does not accomplish fixing a problem. When someone hurts you, before running to talk to someone, gossip to God (that won’t get far once you enter into prayer) and seek what He wants you to do next to make the situation better.
Whether you’re married or single, try practicing not giving off cues to people that you are a good person to gossip with. Master this and your home will not be a gossiping home, but a blessed one.
At Worthy Without A Ring, we are redefining our vision of marriage, and the reason we desire it. We bite our tongues, wait on God, and control ourselves because we know that as wives, we play an enormous part in the success of our marriage.
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Do people find it easy to gossip to you? What can you say to change the direction of those conversations?
